Happy 2020 my friends!
I feel like I could easily call you long-lost friends after my absence. It has been 15 months since I last posted here, which is far. too. long.
I haven’t quit writing, for although I’ve been radio-silence on here, in fact, this year I’ve been writing probably more than ever. However, that has all, or primarily, been school writing. English major-ing has hit me hard my Junior year, with 4 English classes last semester and 5 coming up this semester! Ahhh! . . . which means you probably won’t see me again until all of that is over in May. Phew!
Speaking of Ahhh!, you may not see this coming:
I’m getting married. In six months. Less than, actually. My wonderful husband-to-be and I have been together for the past 14 months (can I blame him for keeping me from writing here? It’s been a busy 14 months! But then again, he did encourage me to write this post, so I suppose that would be unsportsmanlike of me), and after getting engaged a month ago, we have been deep in the throes of wedding planning all through Christmas break, trying to get as much as we can done before school starts again on *gulp* Monday.
And speaking of school. . . I’m loving it.
. . .but with my beloved roomies graduating in May and my fiancé already graduated and working a fancy-pants grown-up job in a tiny town thirty minutes away from my college, I’m ready to move on. I’ll be commuting for my senior year, and I am ready to fill up my heart and mind these last three semesters with all of the classes, my wonderful teachers and friends, but there’s a reason everyone says college goes by fast. It’s supposed to! You may need to take time off, take an extra year, or even study for 12 years or more to get your degree, but that doesn’t mean your life should be put on hold. And goodness knows mine hasn’t been! (As can be seen, I suppose, by the ring on my finger. . . and my lack of time to spend writing online!) But unfortunately, as I’ve been more and more focused on school, acting in the shows, working hard to keep my good grades, my health has been spiraling.
In my last post—15 months ago, gulp!–I shared a big part of my health journey, and my battle with depression and anxiety. If you know me, you probably know already that I’ve been in constant pain since I was 12. A headache that never leaves, migraines, and associated symptoms from having POTS.
It’s been a long, long road to diagnosis, and someday I’ll write up my story on diagnosis and the road that led me to Doc #7 who was able to finally diagnose me two years ago. However, there is no cure for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, and so I am still learning, daily, how to live with this, and managing the ups and downs of chronic illness. These ups or downs can last for months at a time, so while this summer was wonderful and I was able to work outside, doing a small farm job I loved and also one that would have been completely impossible for me two years ago, the downturn in my health came back in late October, with a migraine that was terribly debilitating, keeping me in bed and lasting 42 days before it finally broke, leaving me with just the headache for finals (thank God!).
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Maybe I’d never be ready for summer to end. ❤️ “As imperceptibly as Grief The Summer lapsed away– Too imperceptible at last To seem like Perfidy– A Quietness distilled As Twilight long begun, Or Nature spending with herself Sequestered Afternoon– The Dusk drew earlier in– The Morning foreign shone– A courteous, yet harrowing Grace, As Guest, that would be gone– And thus, without a Wing Or service of a Keel Our Summer made her light escape Into the Beautiful.” — Emily Dickinson
So last semester was rough.
My health has gone backwards a bit. But it is a new year, we’re about to begin the new semester, and there is always new hope for tomorrow. For today. . . well, whenever the pain gets worse, I try to put aside the worry and just take some time to relax and to wedding plan! Focusing not so much on the nervousness, all the details and stress it involves, but on what the wedding truly means, the beginning of a life together, seeking God. (And also focusing on the fun, non-stressful details! The pretty dress, the bridesmaids, the delicious food we get to eat, the music, the man, the friends and family we get to celebrate and party with!)
And here I am, headed into what will most likely be the hardest semester of all, writing and presenting my senior paper/capstone project, as well as preparing to get married this summer, ready to bury my head in books again for novel class, linguistics, and others. But before this 15 month absence becomes 2 years, before I marry the man I’ve never even mentioned here before, I wanted to do a little life-update. Soon, hopefully, I will be back.
I want to resurrect my blog writing, once this semester is over. I miss reaching out and connecting with others that have similar struggles, sharing what has been helpful for me, triumphs and goals and failures too, and just getting to connect and share our stories and our lives in this way. So if you’re reading this, please comment and catch me up on your life! I can’t wait to be posting here regularly again, and I’d love to know what you want to hear more of! But until the next four months of school are over, I must say. . .